Stop the Cap!
Updated: Oct 24
Quit cappin' ... "Cappin' about what?' you might ask.
You keep telling yourself you do not need anybody. Now, to a certain extent, I get it. Someone very close to you has let you down. In fact, the people or person who hurt you were close friends and/or family.
Am I right?
It hurts. I know it hurts. It causes you to always be on the defensive. You spend hours contemplating someone's intentions and motives for wanting to be close to you. And when you build up the courage to trust again, something inside you shuts down. You grow cold, distant. I get it.
But don't tell yourself that you don't need anybody because you do. You know you do. There is something inside you that comes alive when you've had trust, camaraderie, and fellowship. You know it. I know you know it. The thought of it brings you hope, but the trauma of what has happened to you won't allow you to trust that hope.
May I ask you a personal question? Did you allow yourself the opportunity to grieve from the hurt you felt from being hurt or betrayed?
Men, especially Black men, tend to isolate instead of congregating when we've been scarred. This form of isolation cuts off our capacity to establish the robust social networks necessary to pursue our entrepreneurial interests, receive helpful feedback and resources, and, most importantly, develop the capacity to trust again. Even love and feel again.
Believe it or not, your coping strategy is limiting your capacity to achieve all the financial goals trapped in that wonderful mind of yours. You cannot execute all of it alone. You can't even get started. You don't know where to begin. It would help if you had other men in your circle to sow into your vision. They are out there. In fact, I would argue that you already know them.
What you are feeling is not a weakness. It's a broken heart. And yes, men experience this too. Don't believe the cap.
You need other people to level up. Regardless of what you might believe, some people want to see you level up. Extremely successful people understand the importance of having a strong team:
-Russell Wilson, the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, has a performance team of seven individuals to help him be the best he can be on the football field year-round.
-Lebron James, arguably the greatest NBA basketball player-ever (no cap - LOL) - has positioned several of his friends to build a soon to be a trillion-dollar empire.
-Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, the epitome of reinventing yourself, works with a team of high achieving professionals to execute a vision he'll cast 10 years in advance. Think about it. What he is doing right now is a reflection of what he started nearly 10 years ago.
-Jesus of Nazareth, the son of the most high God, recruited twelve disciples to help spread the gospel throughout the world. And Jesus, as the scriptures tell it, was God. Does God need help? Really???
Do you know what else these men have in common besides having a team of individuals to sow into their vision? They've all experienced the bitterness that comes with heartbreak—some multiple times.
I am not saying that you have to trust everybody. And, at some point or another, your trust is going to be stress-tested again. This is a part of the journey, my friend. But those moments will only reinforce and strengthen the bonds of those who actually care about you and the vision you've cast for yourself.
Then, something magical happens; you and the battle-tested circle of people around you will start to achieve heights even you could never have imagined.
Before that can happen, though, you gotta quit the cap. You need people; people need you. Your financial breakthrough is one meaningful relationship away — no cap.