Different Does not Mean Deficient
Updated: May 13, 2021
Honestly, I think the title says it all.
Just because someone has a different financial perspective, method, or strategy than you do, it does not make their stance deficient. When we deny the space within our hearts to receive another person's ideas, we are signaling our deficiencies - not theirs. Instead of accepting the life-giving light of a new perspective, many of us prefer to droop like an unattended Peace Lilly. I hate to admit it, but I've allowed my ego to cause me to droop a lot.
At the beginning of my marriage, my wife enjoyed doing everything with paper and pencil. I enjoyed using excel. I could not understand her pencil and paper method when excel is... well... superior. It drove me crazy. Whenever we would sit down to talk about money, I could not focus on what we discussed. I spent more time stewing over the fact that she would not take my lead on the best way to budget and track our spending.
To make a long story short, I had to realize, and it took a long, long time, being different was not deficient. Even though I think excel is superior, my wife can account for every dollar spent any given month with her paper and pencil method. My excel sheets are always off by a few dollars - LOL! Before marriage, she paid all of her bills on time, just like I paid all of mine. Her credit score was higher than mine, and she had more money saved than I did. My attitude wasn't about what's best for us. It was about my ego, straight up.
I was more concerned about a stupid process than winning. I was more concerned about proving that my way was superior. And trust me, I rubbed it in every chance I could get. I tried to nudge her into my comfort zone because I lacked the confidence and wisdom to acknowledge and appreciate her way of doing things.
My biggest financial hurdle and accomplishment in my marriage has been learning to see the opportunities in our differences. And by acknowledging her differences, I learned to see the beauty in her ways. If we need something accomplished these days, I encourage her to do her thang. I've learned to shut up and get the hell out of the way because we win when she operates in her element - not mine!
Different does not mean deficient - not accepting differences does.
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