When we use shame as a tool for behavioral change, we have made a clear statement: We have chosen not to see the person and systems, internal and external, that influence their current decisions. And because these things are not known - the person is not known - we can absolve ourselves from any wrong doing. We can rationalize our efforts as lending a helping hand instead of it being, what it is, a damning rebuke of one's character and values. As a result, we force those that